Fight of the Day: Ernesto Hoost vs Ray Sefo

I’m going to start trying to post fights and/or fighter profiles more frequently on here. Because I want to, and this is my blog damn it. The first fight is a great one between maybe the best kickboxer ever and my personal favorite, Ernesto Hoost, and an iron-jawed Ray Sefo. This was Sefo’s first ever K-1 appearance, though he would make many more afterwards. I don’t want to say too much, but it’s a stellar fight, just pour a drink and enjoy.

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MMA’s Best Freakshow Fights

As I’ve mentioned before, and I’m sure some of you have noticed on your own, the Japanese have an unhealthy obsession with the weird. They blur out pubic hair in their porn, but you get free tentacle-rape with every kid’s meal. Japan is also where MMA really started to blossom as a legitimate sport. However, Japan did everything possible to destroy this legitimacy by injecting the sport with their acute sense of “what the fuck”, and The Freak Show Fight was born. They would pit tiny 4 ft. rice-field workers against 7 ft. robot-murder-machines and broadcast it. These are some of the more entertaining Freak Show Fights ever held:

Fedor Emeliananko vs. Hong man-Choi

This fight was set as an exhibition MMA match between the greatest MMA Heavyweight of all time, and a man whose only fighting skill was being enormously tall. An exhibition match means nobody tries to do any real harm. This one started out no different, until Fedor climbed up Hong’s arm to try for an armbar. Hong then casually lifted his arm up with Fedor attached, it looked like he was trying to make a flying contraption out of angry Russians. Fedor let go of the arm and as he was standing up, Hong popped him with a couple of punches. Fedor can be a kind-hearted man, but he was specifically designed by insane Russian scientists to burrow into the center of the earth and plant bombs, so when Hong clipped his nose, he flipped Fedor’s kill-switch. Hong knew it. He extended his arm in good will, hoping to calm down the wild Russian beast, but to no avail. Prime Fedor would fight any creature at any moment, I’m almost certain Pride set up a fight between him and Swamp Thing, but I can’t find video of it at the moment. I did, however, find this next gem.

Fedor Emelenianko vs Zuluzhino

Zuluzhino weighed 341 lbs at the time of this fight, with one win by way of absorbing his opponent into his gut. Watch Fedor as this fight begins, you can almost see him saying “I don’t have time for this shit.” Zulu stands square in front of Fedor, though admittedly it’s hard to have good foot work when your body is 90% butter and gravy. Fedor waits for a moment, and slams a left into his Zulu’s jaw. Zulu goes down like one of those bottom-heavy punching clowns, he rolls around for a bit, then pops back up only to get slammed with another punch. Zulu then quickly taps out when he realizes that his trainers lied and this ring was, in fact, not where the all-you-can-eat buffet was being held

Butterbean vs Minowa

This isn’t so much of a fight as it is a long, awkward cuddle. Minowa starts it by throwing a couple of diving kicks, which are awesome, and then Butterbean seizes the opportunity when Minowa falls to the ground, and pounces with the same grace of century old buildings being demolished. Butterbean then just lies on top of Minowa. Butterbean approaches grappling the same way he eats mashed potatoes, just fall into it and roll around until you’re satisfied. This goes on until Minowa squirms out and gets an armbar. Butterbean gets up shaking his head, because he can’t remember the last time his food fought back like that.

Giant Silva vs. Minowa

Now I could put any Giant Silva fight on this list, or just make a list comprised of his fights. Not much is more entertaining than watching tiny Japanese fighters climb this tower of a human being, and almost always kick his ass. But I picked this one because Minowa always makes for an entertaining fight. Minowa starts this one by doing an incredible cartwheel single-leg takedown (just watch it) and then rappelling up Silva’s body. Then Minowa throws some knees to Silva’s face and he taps, getting up and looking absolutely stunned that someone would hurt him in a fight.

Bob Sapp vs. Kinnukuman

This is a fight between a cartoonishly built man in Bob Sapp, and an actual cartoon character. Japan seems to have a habit of making fights while completely blazed, but when they sober up they never change their mind. So K-1 had Bob Sapp fight an amateur wrestler dressed as a carton character. I have nothing else to say.

Nogueira vs Bob Sapp

I was reluctant to put this on here, because it’s actually got one of the better fighters and probably the best heavyweight submission’s expert of all-time in Minitauro Nogueira. But Bob Sapp’s complete lack of talent makes up for that. At the beginning of the fight Nogueira shoots for a single-leg, but Sapp grabs and rips him up off the ground and fucking piledrives him. Straight onto his head. This is the moment we discovered that when the nuclear holocaust happens, only cockroaches and Nogueira’s would survive. Instead of going limp and lifeless, Nogueira shrugged it off. Then he let Sapp wrestle himself exhausted after trying for about a dozen more murder-piledrivers, none as successful as that first one. Sapp has the cardio of a sloth with no lungs, so it didn’t take long, and Nogueira quickly submitted him.

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A Salutation to Hematoma’s

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In fighting, the hematoma is the endangered animal of injuries, it’s rarely ever seen, but when you witness it you want to sit and study it for days on end. A hematoma happens when a blood vessel bursts, and the … Continue reading

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The Greatest Fight

The greatest fight I’ve ever seen is the battle between a young Shogun Rua and Antônio Rogério Nogueira. This is the kind of fight Viking gods put on in the background while they hold orgies in Valhalla. This fight was so wrought with testosterone that every woman within 50 miles was impregnated immediately, and the babies all came out with chests covered in hair, holding glasses of whiskey.

A little background: Shogun was coming off a blitzkrieg of Rampage Jackson’s face, a fight that would lead Rampage to say Shogun was the best fighter he ever went up against. Shogun was only 23 at the time, and was seen as the future of the sport, holding a 9-1 record, with all of his victories by KO or TKO stoppage. Nogueira came into the fight with an 11-1 record, his last two over notables Dan Henderson and Alistair Overeem. This was only a quarterfinal match in Prides Middleweight Grand Prix, but it eclipsed every other fight in the tournament.

To add more dramatics to the whole thing, Shogun came from the Chute Box Academy, while Nogueira came from Brazilian Top Team, the two teams were vicious rivals.

Shogun was know for his brutal Muay Thai, and Nogueira, like his older brother, was known for his other-worldly ground game and submissions. The fight did not go how anyone expected. Nogueira got the better of the stand up exchanges, dropping Shogun with a perfect right hand a few minutes in, Shogun fired back and landed some clean shots, but he kept taking the fight to the ground. Shogun would clinch and toss Nogueira to the ground, then brutalize Nogueira with diving punches and face stomps. Shogun was doing everything in his power to turn Nogueira’s head into a bloody crater, and Nogueira absorbed it all.

The whole fight was back and forth, with Nogueira landing clean, precise striking combos, and Shogun getting takedowns from the clinch and sabotaging his opponents face with ground-and-pound. The 3rd round was no different. Shogun started off strong, knocking down Nogueira with a punch and landing a nice clinch takedown. But in the last couple of minutes Nogueira started throwing crisp punches and landing good knees, he was pushing the pace and the judge’s job was only getting tougher. A lazy soccer kick with 30 seconds left allowed Shogun to grab his leg, though, and take him down and maintain top control until the bell rang. The fight was Shoguns.

A couple of months later Shogun defeated Alistair Overeem and Ricardo Arona, in the same night, both in the first round, to win the Pride tournament. But this fight remained the highlight of the entire event.

This is a fight that made many people fall in love with MMA. It was what a fight was supposed to be, non-stop action with two talented fighters doing everything to win.

Fight Video:

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Andy Hug: The God of Mustaches and War

Andy Hug is a legend in the kickboxing world. He had a mustache that would give Burt Reynolds an inferiority complex. His mustache was always waiting for someone to call it gay, so that Andy could break their skull with his foot. Andy Hug looked like the result of some mad scientists attempt at splicing Freddie Mercury’s DNA with Zangief’s.

Andy was revered in Japan, because he kicked ass inside the ring, and was modest and kind outside of it. His nickname overseas was ‘The Typhoon’ because of his outer strength and inner peace, which sort of makes sense. But his other nickname was ‘The Blue-Eyed Samurai’, which doesn’t make any kind of sense, since his eyes were brown, but whatever, I learned a long time ago not to question Japanese logic.

Never, ever, question Japenese logic.

Andy was also one of the first kick boxers to come from a karate background. Andy was a kyokushin champion by age 15, I wasn’t able to find any pictures of him that young, but I think it’s safe to assume he’s looked like this since puberty.

Now Andy may not be the best kick boxer of all time, but he’s up there. However, most people love him because of his style (mustache included) when he was fighting. Andy had two moves he specialized in, one was his spinning low heel kick. This was done by pivoting on your front foot, getting low, spinning around and using your body’s momentum to slam your heel into your opponent’s thigh, sending screaming signals of pain up their spine. He actually won the 1996 K-1 Grand Prix using this move, watch that craziness here. Andy was so proficient with the move, the Japanese called it ‘The Hug Tornado’. That name is exactly like Andy’s Mustache, it lures you in with homosexual promises, then destroys you.

Andy’s other specialty was his Axe Kick, and that is exactly as terrifying as it sounds. This move simply involves lifting one leg straight up into the air, and bringing your heel down on your opponents baffled and terrified face, and Andy used it with insane lethality. Hitler’s ghost watched this Andy Hug highlight and said “That’s just inhumane.”

Death was so scared of Andy Hug that it had to pull a cowards move to bring him into the afterlife. Two months after defeating Mirko Cro Cop and a few weeks after knocking out Nobu Hayashi, he was stricken with acute leukemia and passed within a week of being diagnosed. Andy’s spirit then beat up Death for being such a bitch, and took his role as the collector of souls.

Extra Bit: Here’s a video of Andy in a war of titans with Ernesto Hoost, a fight that went into extra rounds and ended with a split decision. Try not to touch yourself while watching this.

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